I look at whether I am learning and growing and changing, or stuck in a loop. New relationship energy can not only lead me to mistake lust for love, but it can also distort my perception of someone and make me miss or ignore? And force a degree of changes you never anticipated making that could be hurtful and damaging to people all around you. When you are in the throes of ecstatic hormones, you may think that moving in together, getting married, or other binding commitments are a great idea. Remember that this won't last, and try to work with your partner to keep the balanced perspective mentioned above. I personally try to make my judgement calls when in between the highs and lows, to look for patterns rather than isolated incidents being wary of the mind's tendency to invent patterns , and again to Pay Attention to the Residues. Good loving energy is good loving energy, and sharing it only enhances and grows it.
That means, skip your go-to delivery place and explore a new restaurant that just opened in your neighborhood, take a walk in a different part of town or go away together for the weekend. The second is to remember that it won't last, even if other forms of love and connection which build upon it may. Let's not get too self-critical, though. While a lasting attachment can simmer and sizzle for years, lust can be an explosive but quick burn that cools off after a brief fling. These concerns apply to everybody who has relationships.
But even with the highs, addiction usually isn't very satisfying; it's a fraudulent sale which doesn't really in the end deliver that which it promised the psyche. Sometimes however that's not the case - the new love, and maybe erotic excitement, may involve both or all of you. The opportunity lies in realising, first, that the role of the consumer, and the associated commonplace that people are led by self-centred motivations, are not fundamental human truths: they are simply part of a story we tell ourselves, and a dying one at that. In many cases, it's true. People are often surprised at the erotic artesian wells that burst forth from within to meet and match the overflowing energies of their partners. Either way, the experience is intense, delicious, magical, something to be enjoyed to the fullest. It can be the cause of jealousy appearing where none was expected.
Rather, it is to sooner begin truly seeing the other person for who they are, not for who we would like to imagine them to be, and to find how much and in what ways we can love them as themselves. However, there are ways to cultivate more of that new relationship energy and make that energy last longer— even to rekindle it when the fire goes out. Some may think this is a pessimistic view of love and long-term relationships, but we prefer to see it as a realistic and empowering one. It is true that there is some great data about the effects of falling in lust and love on our hormones. You have to keep in mind that you are facing distortions between your initial perceptions of where things will go and what will really happen. Limerence is another coined word by Dorothy Tennov for aspects of early attraction, used somewhat within the clinical or academic psychology context. It literally creates erotic risk, and peak sexual and emotional experiences occur when balancing the right combination of erotic risk and safety.
You can quickly find yourself down a rabbit hole ignoring other partners which can lead to all kinds of bad. The couples that are still in love after fifty years hold some illusions that are dear to them, and that is a good thing. He had a lovely cock that I couldn't wait to get my hands and mouth on. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about finding each and every one of his hot spots and driving him wild with desire. And who is the judge? You love their energy and you love the way you feel when you're with them.
Some people get really focused on the hormones and chemicals floating around our bodies. These two hormones energize you, reducing your need for sleep, and even decreasing your appetite. It's important to put in the work to solidify the friendship so that it doesn't fizzle as soon as the novelty has worn off. Whatever the commonality, you've realized that you are simply compatible with this person. It exists for a purpose. It can be mildly addictive.
The infatuation lasts from a few weeks to a few years. It is also 100% natural to experience those initial feelings change as you learn more about the other person and grow into the relationship together. While it can certainly produce great sex, it also has emotional bonding aspects, typically with a strong component of wanting more. In new relationships sex tends to be exhilarating, and most new couples are eager to make love as often as possible. Be gentle and sympathetic, an ally rather than an adversary in this tricky balance.
The qualities that are revealed over time are the ones that are more significant in terms of long-term relationship satisfaction. For, attraction may begin with a surge of testosterone and estrogen, producing a sexual longing for the other person. Dedeker Winston was raised to be a wholesome Christian conservative, but later opted to be a a sex-positive polyamory activist, relationship coach, and nude model. So don't be afraid to go slow. . Unless serial monogamy appeals to you, this dynamic can be trouble, if acted out without mindfulness. Many people love the rush of being seen as new and novel by this fascinating new person.
It thrives more on good communication and shared ecstasy than on adversity and uncertainty. I don't think this approach is for everybody, but I can see where it might avoid some of the nasty crashes. Think of an Elvis Presley movie about boy wants girl but doesn't think she loves him back, and he is sick at heart until he knows. Like the honeymoon period, you typically have new relationship energy in those first few weeks or months of a relationship. This makes it much more difficult to create and maintain new relationship energy.
Whatever the cause, being in new relationship energy can make someone almost obsessively focused on the object of their desire. Spend time reminiscing with your existing partners about the beginning of your relationship, or just use that energy to give extra affection, compliments, care, and other expressions of love to your partners. It can be high functioning or creative rather than dysfunctional. Get professional help if depression or mood swings persist. New Relationship Energy is an important part of the poly terrain, representing some of the high peaks as well as some of the slopes where we can stumble if we don't watch our footing.